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Your grass better not be greener than mine is or I’ll…
Turn you in.
Drop a dime on you.
Call the cops.
Yep – if your grass is greener than mine, you’re toast, sister!
OK – we’re officially in a drought: the worst drought in the area in over 25 years. The hottest June in 100 years!
The mayor of my city, and a lot of other mayors in a lot of other Heartland cities, have declared that watering your grass, is now punishable by fines from $100 to $2500, depending on how many times you’re ticketed.
You allowed to use a watering can or hand-held hose with a shutoff nozzle, on trees under five years old and on your vegetable and flower gardens, but sprinkling, watering, or irrigating grass, is a no-no for homeowners.
I wholeheartedly agree ~ but my right/left collective brain thinks; What if the bank owns the house?
They’re even promoting a phone number for turning in your green-grassed neighbors.
Then they warn you not to call 911 ~ watering your grass is not an emergency; however, they will respond to your call and send out an inspector.
Oh no, a GWI /Grass-Watering Inspector ???? Who is getting that new job ? A new task added to an old job ? With more money ? Or, no – just more tasks added to an already over burdened city worker’s job? Ugh.
Whoa Nellie – neighbors are ratting each other out faster than corn or green grass goes through a goose, (sorry – for corn & green), like there’s no tomorrow ~ a tomorrow without rain, and none seen in the near future, either.
So, are the neighbor’s jealous ? If my grass is brown and crunchy, their grass has to be too !
Vindictive ? Remember when you called the cops about that loud party you weren’t invited to ? Or – Quick, return that spark plug puller I borrowed from Larry last year to fix the lawn mower, before he reports me to a GWI. (Sorry about lawn mower – mine is gathering dust too.)
OR are those on the other side of the fence, green/brown with envy ? Of course their grass is greener and their pool is full and their kids all have doctorates, and the their blankety-blank dog won Best of Show last year; they have it all and I want you to stop it !
Malicious ? I’m telling you, it looks green to me !
Hurtful ? I don’t care that he died out on that front lawn, she shouldn’t be allowed to wash away that blood stain !
Bitter ? Look, I understand the house is still smoldering, but city water revived that lawn !
Keeping up with the Joneses may have taken a low blow.
God – this is Kate – please send rain before we all turn into ZOMBIES !
Yours ’til, Kate
Kate's Window 
Kate, As a native Arizonan, I grew up with drought. When it rains we say a prayer of thanks and in the next breath ask for more.
That’s a good idea – I usually start off, “Thank you God, and if you could …”
I really like the way you wrote this article! It perfectly shows how “regulated” modern life has become. Plus, your article has the old “keeping up with the Jones” thing going on.
P.S. I think MY grass IS greener than my neighbors. The farmer with property behind mine keeps his fields irrigated…with a mere 640,000 gallons of water per day. Some of it is swishing over onto my lawn.
Thanks HattieBelle ~ I forgot about the “keeping up with the Jones” theme. And how fortunate to have that farmer as a neighbor. Maybe he has a holding tank for midnight skinny dipping too ????
He does, but it is pretty deep. 🙂
I always appreciaate your way with words! Way to go!
Thanks Pat. Now if I could only make it RAIN !
Pingback: My Grass is Greener Than Your Grass « The Narcissistic Anthropologist
I like the way you mix the seriousness with humor. Makes for good & fun reading.
I think we need to rethink the whole watering the yard thing. We’re pulling too much water out of the ground as it is. I know they’re “nice” but really… why is it so important to have a golf course lawn? Then again, given the deal with water, fertilizers, etc, why is it so important to have a golf course?
M
Hi- and thanks for finding me. I think that living in an urban area, I long for lawn. Just a green space I can stare at and not get arrested for loitering. And mowing it, does make me feel invincible. It really does make me feel like I’ve accomplished something, sometimes the only thing I’ll complete all week and I get to do it again and again.