I was born towheaded.   And just when I wanted it most, 15 years later – my beautiful hair, by then more blonde than white, and yes, with all of those stereotypes – went and turned ugly.

It slowly but steadily  deteriorated into an ashy, dishwater blonde, as it was called back in my day – actually any day you’ve gotten rid of a pile of dirty dishes from a sink full of water, what’s left is the real color of my hair.

 So, since my 21st birthday,  I’ve been dying it blonde, myself, at home, not stripping it, just mixing, applying, waiting, and rinsing.  

Not towheaded,  not a real light blonde, just a medium to dark blonde: Medium Waving Wheat, Sandy Salty Beaches, Light Oaken Bucket, Medium Fresh Pine, etc.  Something that was lighter than the dishwater and darker than Lana Turner’s was.   

In the 40 or so years,  I’ve been coloring my hair, 90% of the time it has turned out just fine.  A few times, it’s been blonde with a hint of green or orange: sometimes in stripes, sometimes in patches.  But overall, its worked.

Well – this time,  I tried something new, a product I’d never used before.  But since I’ve used every product out there before – what could be new about this: I never even thought about doing the all important strand test – pfft.  (Reader may insert blonde joke here.)

Soooooo  – this time my “natural harvested wheat pine blonde,” is just about black and with streaks of blonde-ish highlights. 

Yes – black and blonde.   No, it does not resemble in any way, the new, latest paid-a-million-bucks for two-toned tiered  hair-do’s; no, this looks like I got into a paint ball fight and lost – big time.

It also fried  my ends to a crisp.   Yep, about 5 to 6 inches worth, all the way ‘round, are crispy.   This is where that strand test would have come in very handy.  (Reader may insert blonde joke here.)

How crispy? you ask.   When I lean against the car headrest, it sounds like someone’s scrunching plastic grocery bags, in the back seat!  (My joke?  Not – it’s TRUE!)

How harsh was it? you ask.   So harsh, that when I was applying it, a few little drops, flew onto the toilet seat cover – and ATE the paint off!  (My joke? Not – it’s TRUE!)

Please God,  don’t let me die with this hair.  (God’s joke.)